Reunion

Last night I spent some time with an old friend. We hadn't seen each other in years, and at our class reunion she showed up. We laughed together, we cried together, and we talked about the time that we'd missed out on over the past 10 years. She was the same as I always remembered, just grown up.

Part of me wishes I wouldn't have woken up. My dream was truly a blessing. I haven't had a dream that real feeling in a long long time. The problem is that when I woke up, I remembered the reality that it was only a dream.

Something happens when you lose someone close to you in your life. You never forget them, but as time goes on, the reality of them actually being gone is ever present, but slowly fades into the back of your mind and over the months and years, it gets easier to get out of bed, do the things you used to do together, and accept that you can't change anything that is already done.

Then there are days when you have a relapse, and they're all you can think about : your last conversation (boyfriends), last goodbye (class), regrets (too many to name).
You never forget where you were, what you were doing, and what you did after you find out the news when you're faced with a personal tragedy. At the time that my friend Mandy was killed in a car accident at 16 years old, I had just experienced the death of my dad 3 months earlier. I think that's part of the reason that I don't remember a lot about the week Mandy died. I've had friends remind me of events and gatherings we had before, during, and after the funeral and I remember very little.

Today, I don't know how any of us got through it. At the time I claimed that God was getting me through it, but honestly, I wasn't sure how much I believed it. Looking back now, I don't have any other explanation than it was my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who carried me through that year.

I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:13

I can't help but be joyful for the short 10 years we knew each other. And more than that, I am overjoyed about the decision she made just weeks before she left this earth to make Jesus Christ the Lord of her life. This is where my true joy is, in the promise that she is with Him.



This is my favorite Mandy-Moo; the Mandy that played Nintendo 64 till midnight with me and danced around singing to Usher and Jewel albums.


Thank you Lord for my friend Mandy. Thank you for the friendship we shared and the joy she brought to my life.

Little Drummer Boy

There are certain things you need to do with your kids. One of them is the following.

I was a little worried that he was too young to enjoy this. I was mistaken. He loved it.
Jaden is still in character from his first Halloween . ;) Chunky monkey is almost 9 months old. He is in 12 month clothes. Oh boy.

Bambi Killer

Dear Bambi, or Bambi's Daddy,

I'm sorry that my rookie hubby shot you....
in the head...
and was super stoked about it...

But I won't be sorry when I'm having you for a snack during this winter.

-Yours Truly,
Bambi Killer's wife

Man's...I mean Baby's Best Friend

"Nothing to see here...just playing with my best buddy".







I don't care for my on camera flash, or flash at all really. However, when moments like these happen, I can't pass up the chance to freeze the moment.

I'm fairly certain they are going to be good friends.

Letters to Jaden

My husband can be pretty goofy sometimes (that makes us a good fit) but he can also has a serious side. It's all about balance and timing I suppose. I think that Jaden and I both are blessed for the amazing husband and father God has placed in our family.

A few months back, Stephen began blogging, but blogging with purpose. He's been writing letters to Jaden about life and all things important so that someday Jaden can read them and hopefully take something away from them.
This week I "guest blogged" on the site and wrote my own letter to Jaden.
I hope to get the letters in book form, if nothing else, just for his sake so that he can have a hardcopy of the letters written to him from mom and dad.

If you have the time, and want to see who we are and who we strive to be as parents...check it out.

Nice to meet you Grand Dad

Back in September we took a crazy risk of traveling across country...with a 5 month old. Before we left for the trip, Steve's parents were able to come to our house for a few days. Mimi had visited before, but in September, Jaden met Grand Dad for the first time.



I love my father in law. I really do. One thing that I love about him is his predictablilty. I am confident that every time I ask him how he's doing he'll respond "Fair to partly cloudy". :)

I watched as grand dad Loeffler played with Jaden and even walked the floor with him one night when he couldn't fall asleep. I mentioned to Stephen about how it was bitter sweet to me. While I'm thankful for the time that Garry has to spend with him, it's also sad to me that Paw Paw Larry, (my dad) will never meet little Jaden. I know that he would have loved his grandkids, so very much. I wish that J would have had the chance to know him, to play ball with him like I did, and take candy from his truck. He probably would have carried pictures around in his wallet of his grandkids and showed them off to everyone he could get to listen. That was my dad. :)





I'm realizing that I'm more like dad than I ever thought. Dad enjoyed life through the viewfinder. He was always videoing or photographing us every chance he got. I guess I got that from him. I'm trying to keep in line with Dad's practices and taking photos and videos of J every chance I get. Even though soon he'll probably find it annoying or embarassing, one day he'll thank me for it when I'm gone.

Even though Dad is not here, I am certain that Jaden is loved very much though by his grandparents, on both sides. I'm thankful for that.

Fab Fried Friday: Pancake, Flower, and Gelatin

I can hear her now-
"Why haven't I been her fab friend friday yet?"
"...and why is she not capitlizing her letters and spelling things like capitlizing wrong?" (I did it because I knew it would drive her nuts)

Bonnie Childers...a.k.a. Bon Bon, Boony, Bons, Chavon, Bon Bon Chavon, Boondocks, Bony....is my fab friend this Friday.
>
Bonnie wanted to name her kids: Pancake, Flower, and Gelatin when she grew up: no joke. :S This is the Bonnie I love.

Remember my story about my friend Erin? Bonnie was one of the girls who didn't care to talk to me that day I met Erin. In fact, Bonnie resented me a little bit for the first couple of months she knew me. I stole Erin from her...or so she thought. Eventually Bonnie realized how cool I was (just kidding. Have you seen pictures of me from elementary school?) and decided I was ok to befriend. Long story, but when "the split" (haha) happened we were inseparable and our friendship grew from there. :) Even though we went to different schools, we spent SO much time together. I couldn't count the number of times we played house in her parent's den, the number of slumber parties spent in the basement, the hours of late night conversations about boys bouncing off the walls of her blue bedroom walls, or the amount of board games played from her dining room table.

Bonnie is opinionated. I love Bonnie's laugh and her sarcasm (even when it's at my own expense) She is a hugger. She is passionate. Bonnie likes board games, sitcoms, and dry humor. Her favorite snacks include popcorn, goldfish, and strawberry twizzlers. (often combined) Bonnie is predictable, and I love that. If fried ravioli is on the menu at a restaurant, you can bet that she'll be ordering it.

I love all these things about Bonnie, but when I think about Bons one thing really stands out to me: The Way She Gives A Compliment.
Bonnie is sincere, and because she's opinionated, you know she's sincere. ;) When Bonnie gives you a compliment you know she truly means it. Maybe it's the pitch of her voice or the way she'll look at you (eyebrows pointed as though she's in deep thought), or the way she leans back and says "Mary Kim, I really like that". Whatever it is, she really knows how to give one. Not only that, but she always seems to give one about something, nearly every time I see her.

Here are my favorites with "Shake yo Bon Bon":
* church choir musicals - (my favorite was Shep the Sheep during Prime Time Christmas)
* cruising around in Stumpy, John Mayer playing in the background
* being freaked out at her house when she had hamsters in her basement
* high school and college slumber parties
* REAK adventures
* MB2004
* JEMB get togethers
>
and so many more!! Boony, your patience paid off. I miss you, your hugs, and your compliments (haha! Jk).

Bring back my Bonnie to me.

Slightly ADD

Here I sit on a Sunday afternoon, trying to catch up on some editing while I should be (and wish I were) napping. In school I was always a pretty good student. I made good grades, payed attention in class, asked lots of questions. However, it wasn't until after schooling that I realized that I'm very easily distracted maybe slightly ADD? I thought I would share with you what my desktop looks like most days...Today I have open the following:

• Photoshop- editing wedding photos
• Itunes- currently listening to Yellowcard
• Jasmine Star's blog-thinking about hearing her speak at Wednesday's Shoot Party
• Facebook- because I forgot to close it...and messaging back and forth with a senior about photos

When I have a session I'm editing, I literally have to have only 2 things open, Photoshop + Itunes. Really those 2 go hand in hand for muwah.

To make matters worse, Now I'm blogging about how easily distracted get....Oh my. Not only that but now I have to be at church in 10 min. for youth and Jaden is still napping. No wonder I feel like nothing gets done around my house. :{

:{ <--This is Chico. Steve and I named this smiley one day while we were IMing. (and yes we still IM occasionally via gmail)

Looking forward to the Nardi-Dawson wedding this weekend here in the BG! :) For now- time to get focused. Time to leave! Peace Out! - haha.

Jaden- 4 months old

My little boy will be 4 months old tomorrow. It's hard to believe. My sweet boy has been smiling and laughing like crazy. We are loving it. I recieved my new D700 and I'm loving it so far. These shots are SOOC.

Hope this made you smile today. :)

Fab Friend Friday: Sister from another Mister

There I sat in what seemed to be the worst class of my college career- BIO 111. When would I ever need this? I was after all a speech communication major at the time. I must be the worst Asian ever. I'm not that good at math and I don't like science. I struggle with using chopsticks and only get pedicures a couple times a year. (but that conversation is for another time) I admit to being extremely lazy in this class, especially since it was right after lunch. With my belly full and a the monotone sound pouring out of my professors mouth, I often drifted off into dreamland, head nodding and all. I don't remember much from that class but I took away something from BIO 111 that is more important to me than cells and phylums.

I couldn't help but notice the cute little Asian girl who sat in the same row as me. She must have been a really good Asian- sits in the front row, answers questions from the professor, and asks lots of great questions. She was always polite as we exchanged hellos and goodbyes between lectures. Right about now was the time that facebook was starting. This was back when you had to have a college email address in order to register. I'm not for sure how it started but somehow we added each other as friends and started messaging via facebook. After a few conversations and realizations of our similarities, we decided we should hang out sometime. After the first time we hung out I knew we'd be doing a lot of hanging out together. :)

It was so strange the similarities we discovered with each other. Both adopted from South Korea, both raised very similar, both loved music, we even had the same Korean name!

Suddenly I felt as though we were long lost sisters somehow and was glad we'd found each other.

Over the next few years Nicole and I got to know each other, lived together, and laughed together. Here's what I've learned about Nicole in the few years that I've known her...

Nicole is one of the most caring people I've ever met. Her profession (nursing) allows her to show this on a daily basis to her patients. I've never seen her in action but I can only imagine that she is one of the best. She is constantly asking about how you are and you know that she really means it.

Nicole has a huge heart. She loves to GIVE. One thing I really learned about Nicole when we lived together was that her love language is giving. I don't know how many times I would come home from work or school and there would be a small little gift with note that said "Just because" :).

Bam-Bam loves Chinese food. Being college students, many of the times we hung out together included ordering Chinese from China King. (It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets asked questions about where they're from in a Chinese restaurant or nail place. ) Chicken with vegetables and brown sauce is her fav. ;)

Nicole is a hard worker. Graduating first in her class, Nicole worked harder and studied harder than anyone I knew. She spent a lot of time in the library in college but would even bring textbooks when we would hang out together so she could study in between conversations. She deserved every bit of recognition she received because of the work she put into her studies.

She is organized. I never realized how unorganized I am until I lived with Nicole. She makes me look sloppy.

Nicole is stylish. Nicole introduced me to Anthropologie and I am now forced to want clothes from there but can't afford any of them...not even on the clearance rack. :)

Some of my favorite memories with Bam Bam include:

- vegging out in our pjs catching up on Grey's Anatomy

- long talks till wee hours of the night from our apartment bedroom
- our trip to Chicago :) (can we go back sometime? )

- visiting Chris and J.T. on nights we were bored

- attempting new recipes and concoctions in the kitchen
- getting our nails done together and both wondering what they were saying about us (haha!)

Nicole, I am so thankful I was put in that dreadful biology class after all. I couldn't manage an A in class, but I recieved something better- a friendship that will last for years to come.

Nicole, Saranghaeyo! :)

Boo-Yahs : 2nd Trips to Walmart and Wild Berry Smoothies

I meant to post this weeks ago. A little late, but here is the latest and greatest:
Inspired by Jasmine Star, I'm starting my own reviews on things because everyone cares what I think...right? ;)

Corny name: Boo-Yahs

To state the obvious- the boos are things that I dislike. Yah's are the things that I do. :) Oh sweet simplicity.

This week's Boo's go to:

Making second trips to Walmart...in the same day - this is the worst. You get home and unpack all of your purchases that you thought you'd checked off your list...or at least mental list and realize that a) you're out of bread and b) you need it in order to eat lunch tomorrow. You may also realize that you forgot to order a CF Card for your new Nikon D700 that just arrived. Crap.

Poopy Diapers - Speaking of crap- It's never fun to change a poopy diaper. It's especially never fun to change a poopy diaper and attempt to pull off a onsie that has poopie on it. It's extremely lame to have to change 5 poopy dipaers and 5 poopy onsies...in one day. Thank you son for giving me the opportunity to experience this today.

Eat, Pray, Love- I was sucked in by all the hype for this novel. I got 50 pages into this book and was sadly disappointed. I'd heard so many great reviews of the book. The book lost me at the point where the main character states that Christ is not the only way God. Pick up a Bible and read what it says in John 14:6. Jesus states that he is the only way to the father. Sorry Elizabeth Gilbert but I trust Jesus over you anyday.

This week's Yah's include:

Mixed Berry Smoothies from McDonnalds: Delicious. Refreshing. Tart. Satsifaction

Baby's Laughter- Jaden is starting to crack up laughing. He's turning into a rather happy baby for the most part. :) I am loving it. Talk about a boost to my self -esteem. At least someone genuinely thinks I'm funny.

Phone calls when you least expect them- I got a phone call this week from the hubs from the middle of the wilderness in Alaska. I swear it was like we were dating again. I was beaming from ear to ear for 15 min. after he called.

Fab Friend Friday: The Beginning

I've come to realize over the years that I truly have a lot of fabulous friends in my life. I'm pretty certain they know they are special to me, but just in case they don't realize how much they mean to me, I've decided to dedicate every Friday for the remainder of the summer, to one of my fabulous friends.

This being my very first post, it only make sense that I dedicate this Friday to my very first friend.

I remember walking into Sunday school that morning a little apprehensive- A new church, new dress, and new people. A woman took my name and visitor information down. "What's your name?" she asked. "Mary Kim," I stated shyly and quietly almost mumbling as I stared at all the kids playing like monkeys in a zoo. "Monica?" she asked? "Mary Kim," I said quietly again. "Attention everyone, this is Monica," she announced to the Sunday school class. In order to avoid more embarrassment, I quietly accepted the name Monica without argument and waited while every 5 year old stared at the giant bow in my jet black hair and squinty eyes.
Disaster is what I would have been thinking if I would have known that word at five years old. Instead it came out as fear. Just at that moment a blond-haired girl came to me and introduced herself as Erin and informed me that I could join her and her friends over at the table with the play dough. My fear turned to acceptance and I hoped I'd made a new friend. From that point on we were inseparable.
Living in different towns, Erin and I only saw each other twice a week: Sundays and Wednesdays at First Baptist Church Vandalia. Sundays were spent in Sunday school and passing notes and writing on each other's hands during service. Nearly every Sunday we would go to either her house or mine. Sundays were fun.

That was the start of our 20 year friendship we've maintained. We remained friends throughout high school and even roomed together in college. Some of the best times we've had together include:

* making music videos in her basement
* riding bikes around Pana on Sunday afternoons
* Myrtle Beach 2004
* Watching episodes of Lost and Lifetime movies in our Cougar Village apt. on Saturday afternoons
* line dancing at Wild Country

The day after my dad died Erin and her mom came to visit us at the house. We had what felt like millions of visitors that day. People brought food, cards, and offered words of comfort, but more than all those gestures, the best gift was what Erin brought to me. After a crazy and hectic night, Erin showed up to my house with a VHS tape of dance videos we made in elementary school. What seemed at that moment, slightly inappropriate, later had me crying because I was laughing so hard at what idiots we were. She brought me the greatest gift anyone could. She brought me authentic, holding your stomach, almost-pee-your-pants, laughter, and for that I am forever grateful.

In the 20 years I've known her, this is what I've learned about Erin.
It's hard not to like Erin. To be completely honest, she's one of those people you'd love to hate but can't because she's so dang sweet. I've watched Erin grow spiritually over the past few years and am both encouraged and excited by it. Erin has never met a stranger. I'm amused by her random medical ailments. I love that she is super trendy and has a different hair cut every time I see her. She has a phenomenal voice and is never afraid to praise her creator. When she laughs, she laughs with all her heart. She is confident. She is sometimes...I mean always a crazy driver. She is driven and passionate. Most importantly- Erin Recycles...ALL her water bottles. Haha.
This week I'm thankful for my fabulous friend Erin because without her my life would be bland.

Jaden Christopher: 3 months old

Yes I know he's my son, but I still think he's stinkin' adorable. :) Call me biased if you want but I can't help but think this little man is the cutest baby in the world. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings- your baby is cute too. :) You wouldn't believe how hard it is to take your own child's pictures. Doing newborn and baby sessions are SO much easier for clients! Whether it be time or simply forgetting to do them on a regular basis, it requires effort!
The following pictures were in the combination of 2 20 min. sessions.
They got cut short because it was nearing nap time and we had an explosive amount of spit up come out of his mouth. Yummy.

At 3 months, little man is doing the following..
-pushing up on his hands when on his belly
- rolling over from front to back
- doing all sorts of acrobatic moves in his sleep (starts off at one end of the bed and ends up completely at the other end)
- sleeping 10-12 hours a night! (NICE!!)
- smiling on command: we love it when he smiles so big his eyes disappear (inherited from me. :))
- giggling
-sucking his thumb when he's tired
- likes to go for walks and ride in the car still
- napping twice a day

Need a pick me up?

It's been a while since I've blogged about little J-man. Little J is not so little anymore- at 3 months old he continues to grow on a daily basis. If nothing else, maybe these pictures will make you smile today. :) I know they make me smile and feel all mushy. :)




Loves that thumb...

Looks as though we may be headed back towards Jacksonville area in September. I'm toying with the idea of accepting a couple of sessions while I'm there. Any takers? If you're interested, please let me know asap. :)
My wishlist of business builders is getting longer as the summer moves on...
Nikon D700 Please?
New lenses...please? :)
Workshop in St. Louis with J* please? :)

Happy Father's Day to my Love

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers. It's Steve's first Father's Day. We celebrated by heading out to get Chinese (his choice). I came upstairs for a few min and came back down to find this....and my heart melted. Thought I'd share with you all how sweet this precious moment was. :)






Although it's only your first Father's Day this is what I'm learning about you as a dad....

You love getting smiles from our precious baby boy...
You like picking him up to "fix" him when he's crying...
His funny faces he makes in the bathtub when you sprinkle water on his head make you laugh...
You've shared some of your biggest smiles with him...
You've not given up on trying to make him stop sucking his thumb....I have give up...
Poopy diapers annoy you...
You like singing the silly songs I sing to him...
and you love your son very much.

All these things have made me fall even more in love with you.

Happy 1st Father's Day Stephen. I love you, always.

-Your Love

Daydreams

I used to hate the show Scrubs. I only watched it because it allowed me to spend time with my husband. Overtime, I have to admit the show is growing on me. The best part about the show is their daydreams- especially J.D's. Most of the time my daydreams come and go in Scrubs fashion...wacky people doing wacky things. It's usally sparked by a comment someone makes or the best ones are when I'm driving in my car. Most people guide their daydreams; but sometimes I let my daydreams guide my mind. Ever so often though I'll have a more serious one. I had one the other day while driving that brought me to tears.

In this wishful daydream my dad was still alive. We were at a church function in the basement of the fellowship hall. There was dad carrying around Jaden, huge smile on his face. He was walking around to everyone showing him off. "This is my grandson," he told everyone as he stared in amazement at him. He never talked to me, only bragged about how wonderful it was to be a grandfather to everyone he met. In most my daydreams and dreams about dad they're from a distance and I'm watching him. Sadly, he rarely talks with me or to me. As I watched from a distance I slowly cam back to reality and wiped the tears that were coming down my face.

It's heartbreaking to know that my dad will never know the joy of being a grandpa. It's sad to know that I'll never be able to teach Jaden the things that dad could have. My sister and I both are saddend by knowing that our kids will only know of "Papa Larry" but never experience him firsthand. Although he played such an instrumental role in our lives, he will be only a passing thought to them. It's because of Dad that I became the person I am today. I learned how much joy can come from ministry as he spent every Wednesday night after nusring home service visiting with residents. I realize the sacrifices he made to work so hard for our family so that we could enjoy the things we wanted in life. Most of all, I learned what unconditional love was from my father which makes it easy to see the way my heavenly father loves me. I know he would have thouroughly enjoyed being a grandpa and would have loved his grandkids with all of his being. As Father's Day approaches next week, I want to thank my dad for being an amazing father to me for the few short years he was able. I love you dad.

Jaden- 6 weeks

It's hard to believe our little man is 6 weeks old. A lot has happened since I last wrote about him and he continues to change constantly. Eating is slowing down a bit but still every 2- 2 1/2 hours. He's sleeping better too but I'm still waiting on that magical night when he sleeps for 6 hours straight. :)

Mommyhood is nothing short of amazing. I'm both overjoyed and humbled on a daily basis.
Week 6 and we've gone on our first date night (which ironically enough we went to see "Date Night"- hilarious movie) and Jaden has been to his first wedding. :)He flipped over at 3 weeks and continues to do so.

He loves his walks and car rides and I love to see his chubby cheeks jiggle when he rides in the stroller. I love seeing his daddy with him when he doesn't know I'm watching.
He doesn't like to keep his socks on nor does he like it when he's tired. He kicks and flails his hands.

At 6 weeks, we're learning so much about and from this little munchkin and loving every minute.

This is the punishment you get for having a photographer as a mom....
Poor little guy lasted about 15 min. before he woke up and was very angry at mommy. :( Doesn't he look so sweet though?











Maternity session this weekend! :) Woo hoo! Looking forward to it.

Welcome to the world Jaden Christopher

On Sunday March 21st we recieved the greatest gift we've ever had. At 8 lbs 9 oz, little Jaden arrived to our world at 12:42pm. After over 24 hours of labor, he finally made it to us. He was nothing short of perfect and I fell in love from the first time he looked at me.

It's hard to believe we've made it through week one already. After countless hours of lost sleep, nearly a hundred dirty diapers, and irreplaceable snuggle time we are still smitten over our little man. :)

Welcome to our world Jaden Christopher.