Daydreams

I used to hate the show Scrubs. I only watched it because it allowed me to spend time with my husband. Overtime, I have to admit the show is growing on me. The best part about the show is their daydreams- especially J.D's. Most of the time my daydreams come and go in Scrubs fashion...wacky people doing wacky things. It's usally sparked by a comment someone makes or the best ones are when I'm driving in my car. Most people guide their daydreams; but sometimes I let my daydreams guide my mind. Ever so often though I'll have a more serious one. I had one the other day while driving that brought me to tears.

In this wishful daydream my dad was still alive. We were at a church function in the basement of the fellowship hall. There was dad carrying around Jaden, huge smile on his face. He was walking around to everyone showing him off. "This is my grandson," he told everyone as he stared in amazement at him. He never talked to me, only bragged about how wonderful it was to be a grandfather to everyone he met. In most my daydreams and dreams about dad they're from a distance and I'm watching him. Sadly, he rarely talks with me or to me. As I watched from a distance I slowly cam back to reality and wiped the tears that were coming down my face.

It's heartbreaking to know that my dad will never know the joy of being a grandpa. It's sad to know that I'll never be able to teach Jaden the things that dad could have. My sister and I both are saddend by knowing that our kids will only know of "Papa Larry" but never experience him firsthand. Although he played such an instrumental role in our lives, he will be only a passing thought to them. It's because of Dad that I became the person I am today. I learned how much joy can come from ministry as he spent every Wednesday night after nusring home service visiting with residents. I realize the sacrifices he made to work so hard for our family so that we could enjoy the things we wanted in life. Most of all, I learned what unconditional love was from my father which makes it easy to see the way my heavenly father loves me. I know he would have thouroughly enjoyed being a grandpa and would have loved his grandkids with all of his being. As Father's Day approaches next week, I want to thank my dad for being an amazing father to me for the few short years he was able. I love you dad.